There are many reasons a couple may seek counselling but more often than not there will be some form of conflict. The positive thing about conflict between a couple is that there is no detachment, the couple are seriously engaged in their conflict meaning that it is ripe with possibilities for change.
We all have our life ‘script’, our own personal values and we all hope that others see us for who we are and what we feel we stand for. How often in your life have you decided you don’t like somebody because they simply don’t see you for the person you are? They misread you. If we are in a relationship our partner can be a freedom to our values or an impediment. We desire our partner in the way we want to be validated.
A common misconception with couples is that they often feel that no matter how much they try to get their point across, the other person is just not listening. More often than not they have been heard but their partner is refusing to comply, this is when I will begin to negotiate and manage a contract between them.
Couples generally seek help quite late in the disintegration of their relationship and emotions can run high so in the first session I will ask each partner to explain why they are here without the other interrupting. I will help them communicate and actually hear what the other is saying, sometimes when we row we are only listening to our own voice and values. Quite often I will ask one partner to summarise what the other has said and comment on it.
We would usually have 2 sessions with all 3 of us followed by two one to one sessions with each partner separately. These one to one sessions would be confidential and each partner will only share things they have discussed in these with their partner in following sessions if they want to.
The great thing about couple counselling is that therapy can continue at home and I will often encourage an agreed ‘homework’ to do each week to help things move forward so we reach a common ground that is positive for each partner.
This work is not only limited to couples but any type of relationship, for example parent/child but whatever the worry or issue between you please don’t hesitate to call. Life can be hard enough but when you know in your heart that there is someone worth fighting for, then isn’t it time to give both of you that chance.
Call me on 07999327683